The UK’s ability to effectively deal with terrorists was dealt another blow after the European Court of Justice ruled that it was unconstitutional and basically bad form to burn Guy Fawkes for the 407th year in a row.
The European Court noted that it was satisfied that Guy Fawkes was correctly found guilty of being Catholic, and hence a little burning was required, but said 407 times was excessive and amounted to torture or, at the very least, a breach of European clean air guidelines relating to open fires.
In a move that has inflamed public opinion, the Court has not only halted Guy Fawkes impending immolation, but has also said he must be released on bail.
Harold mayor Rufus D Jackson said the Courts decision was correctional politicalness gone mad.
“We already had Guy Fawkes mounted and ready to burn – the kids were really looking forward to it as we haven’t burnt a Catholic in weeks. Now apparently we not only have to give Mr Fawkes bail, we also have to give him a Council flat.”
Bishop Stanislaus McNamee of Dunstable appealed for calm saying that the Guy Fawkes case was a one-off, and there was no systematic pyrotechno-philia problem in the Catholic Church.
Prime Minister Theresa May is said to be incensed by the ruling, and has vowed to fight this latest threat to British sovereignty.
“I’ve instructed government lawyers to look into the matter, and I’ve received robust advice that we can challenge this decision” said Ms May. “Apparently blowing up the European Court of Justice is perfectly legal as long as we don’t get caught.”