The Sun newspaper has declared obesity to be sexy and today published its first edition with a Page 3 boy rather than the usual if increasingly controversial Page 3 girl.
“It’s a no brainer,” explained editor David Dinsmore. “As the population gets more chunky there’s more and more lads out there with cracking sets of jubblies. So we say don’t be ashamed lads, get ’em out for the er…ladies I guess. And gay blokes. The Sun is a modern newspaper we love all that now.”
“Moobs are where it’s at,” Dinsmore enthused. “Not for me, I’m not a poof, obviously. But lets be honest we’ve all been a bit blurry in the morning and seen pictures of moob pioneers like Vladimer Putin and Simon Cowell and felt a bit of a low down tingle before realising our mistake, haven’t we?”
However the Evening Harold has uncovered a darker side to the rise of moob pride.
“It’s the young lads I feel sorry for,” said Harold resident and mum of one Ange Harris. “They see these glamorous, air-brushed images of some model flaunting his glistening moobs and think that that’s how they should look when it’s a body shape that is simply unobtainable for many.”
Ange’s son, Connor, is one such lad. Now fifteen he has spent the last year gorging himself nightly on burgers and fizzy drinks desperate to acquire the same kind of moobs as his idols. “I’ve sent some pictures to The Sun hoping I’ll be chosen,” he said. “I’ve had a bit of grief at school from teachers saying I should concentrate on my exams but GCSEs don’t matter when you’ve got proper goals like Page 3 and X-Factor.”
Dinsmore told us that while Connor remained a child legally The Sun is forbidden to post sexually suggestive pictures of him but did hint that once Connor’s turned sixteen the phrase ‘all grown-up’ will be featuring on a photo caption shortly after.