The Daily Mail notorious for its homophobic editorials and columnists is set to reverse its stance on gay marriage after realising that it will improve house prices in the UK.
“It’s a well known industry fact,” said Harold estate agent, Gill Gates. “Gay people actively improve neighbourhoods and drive up house prices as more and more people realise that instead of living next-door to Terry and Stacey, their six kids and a rottweiller they can be next to two married guys with an adorable kitten.”
Analyst Doug Walker has looked at ten years of housing and environment data from across the country. “What’s fascinating is that certain things which people find intolerable and negatively effect property prices are one hundred percent hetrosexual behaviours.” he said. “In a decade’s worth of statistics there is not one single recorded instance of a gay couple leaving an old fridge in their front garden or launching a prolonged legal battle over two inches of fence.”
“Finally the Daily Mail have got something right,” said Gates. “Gay marriage will only have a positive effect on house prices. After all who would you rather see putting the bins out in their nightie Richard Littlejohn or Christopher Biggins? I know which I’d prefer.”