Sir Alex Ferguson has announced his retirement from football today, positioning himself to take over managing the country from the Queen.
“I see Prince Charles is being sent to the commonwealth meeting in the Queen’s place to prepare him” Fergie told reporters. “These other countries need a leader they can trust and take seriously, so I will go with him.”
This move has led to speculation that not even the Queen can trust the Prince of Wales to take on the role as head of state when the time comes. Insiders at the palace have denied that claim, but with Sir Alex expected to sit beside the Queen during the state opening of Parliament, the rumours continue.
Earlier there were conflicting reports. Some had suggested he was going to take the top job at Reading FC, but the ‘royals’ he is going to manage turned out to be the Windsors.
Royal reporter Nicholas Witchell has described the move as “bold but understandable”. “Whilst Charles has been talking to plants, believing in homeopathy and abusing some of the world’s finest royal correspondents, Sir Alex has been doing what a leader of a major nation should be doing. Some of his finest moments have involved conquering Europe.”
The next move for Sir Alex will be to start having a weekly audience with David Cameron. In preparation for this , staff at Buckingham palace have begun moving any valuable items or football boots out of reach.
Breaking from tradition of the head of state not getting involved in politics, Sir Alex has made it clear he will never accept Boris Johnson becoming the Prime Minister. “I may have a reputation of giving out a bit, but I think that hair would render my ‘hair dryer’ ineffective”