Following ex-Pope Benedict’s decision to move into the Vatican along with Pope Francis, there were fears among Papal advisors that the unprecedented situation might lead to some ecumenical friction between the two holy men.
In a surprise to everyone, however, the Pope and ex-Pope have revealed that far from being discomfited by the living arrangements, they have actually embraced the celibate buddies idea so much that they have started performing old comedy double-acts, and intend to build up to a big break with tradition by swapping this year’s Christmas blessing for a revival of Morecambe and Wise’s famous “Breakfast” routine to the tune of “The Stripper”.
After a brief initial period of awkwardness having two Popes living in the same residence, the Papal pals soon realised the situation’s potential for comedy.
“Like most of these things, it just started as a silly idea after a few beers,” explained former Pope Benedict XVI. “By pure chance we discovered we both knew the Two Ronnies ‘Four Candles’ routine off by heart, and after that it sort of became like a thing. It was Franny’s idea to do the Breakfast routine – that’s his Holiness Pope Francis to you – we were a bit worried that the ‘Stripper’ music wasn’t holy enough until we found out it was based on an old Gregorian chant.”
“We both like a good laugh as much as anyone,” confirmed Pope Francis, “Especially after a bevvy or two. Now we’ve got the comedy thing happening, there’s all sorts of little jokes going on – I was having a bit of trouble with the Latin in the last Papal address, and he only goes and mutters, just loud enough for everyone to hear: ‘He’s giving all the blessing, but not necessarily in the right order.’ Everyone was proper cracking up, I can tell you!”
With the assembled masses in an uproar of laughter, Pope Francis quickly mimed throwing the Papal ring into the air, to catch it noisily in a brown paper bag, and the two Popes linked arms and skipped away from the audience, to their theme tune of “Bring Me Some Shrine”.