At an emotional press conference, Simon Delaney only recently appointed as Harold’s youth police commissioner, has apologised for the series of violent, racist and homophobic drawings that he had left on the village hall’s walls in full view of the high street.
Sporting an atrocious haircut, a contrite but slightly smirking Delaney said, “I hadn’t realised people could be offended so easily. This is useful information which I will bear in mind in the future.”
Under questioning, a tearful PC Anita Flegg defended Delaney saying “This is a cock and bull story that has got out of hand. Simon was the outstanding candidate, especially since being in a wheelchair; he meets all of our quota requirements.”
The politically correct PC continued “I am confident that Simon is the most able person for the role ….” before trailing off to consult with an advisor to establish if it was PC to describe a disabled person as “able”.
Delaney was identified as the perpetrator of the al fresco art exhibition when eagle-eyed residents noticed that all the graffiti was at waist height.