Security staff apprehended Mr Delaney, 47, formerly a Futures Trader in the City of London, as he tried to make off with the bottle of cheap person’s booze.
He had been spotted attempting to leave the store, by an eagle-eyed member of staff who had just served him. They bravely alerted security guard William McKean who sat on Mr Delaney until PC Flegg arrived.
Mr Delaney claimed he’d ‘paid with cash’ to the woman with the horse tattoo on till 4. When asked to produce a receipt, Delaney lied ‘the till roll had run out, and you said I couldn’t have a bag’, such is the extent of his obvious, London-sourced illness.
Speaking as he was led off by PC Flegg, Mr Delaney told us, “For God sake, don’t tell Pippa! She’ll think it’s some kind of cry for help and pack me off to a shrink. Again.”
Mr and Mrs Delaney, their charming daughter Melanie, 19, and that wheelchair-using felon Simon, 17, moved to the village of Harold three years ago from the Capital.
The Evening Harold voiced the views of many villagers at that time when we asked, ‘Did those irritating, pretentious wankers have to choose our village?’
Mr Delaney was later released from custody, but was charged in relation to the theft and is to be tried at Dunstable High Court in May. He is likely to ask for three counts of mentioning the length of my fucking lawn to be taken into consideration.