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Nivea’s new cream “audibly reduces” wrinkles

Molly (32) has used Nivea since she was a girl

Nivea launched more advertising mush this week, for women with good bathroom mirrors but low self-esteem.

“Sadly, we can’t lawfully tell outright lies in adverts nowadays” said Harold born Anastasia Blunt, Director of Word-mangling at Nivea “which is a shame, as that was the best bit of the job.”

“We have either to invent new words or slam real words together so they don’t actually mean anything. If it can’t be understood, it can’t be lying; we get our lawyers to run a check, just to be sure.”she explained, adding “The clue is in the words ‘make- up'”. Continue reading

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