Nivea’s new cream “audibly reduces” wrinkles

Molly (32) has used Nivea since she was a girl

Nivea launched more advertising mush this week, for women with good bathroom mirrors but low self-esteem.

“Sadly, we can’t lawfully tell outright lies in adverts nowadays” said Harold born Anastasia Blunt, Director of Word-mangling at Nivea “which is a shame, as that was the best bit of the job.”

“We have either to invent new words or slam real words together so they don’t actually mean anything. If it can’t be understood, it can’t be lying; we get our lawyers to run a check, just to be sure.”she explained, adding “The clue is in the words ‘make- up'”.

Impressed by their customers’ reassuring gullibility over the recent ‘Wrinkles appear to look visibly reduced’ campaign, Nivea is moving on to other senses, starting with next week’s ‘Listen … even the deaf can seem to hear wrinkles becoming audibly reduced’.

If that goes well, their new ‘Wrinkles appear to smell nasally reduced’ line will hit the high street in time for stupid people’s peak holiday period.

“It actually smells like poo” admitted Blunt “but that’s probably because it’s shit, to be honest.”

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