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by Perks | August 18, 2013 · 9:30 am

Prestigious literary award given to local teenager for ‘detailed Facebook updates’.

There was a shock winner at the Evening Harold Online Literary Awards last night, with the main prize, online writer of the year, going to the relatively unknown local girl Melanie Delaney, 19, for her autobiographical writings on Facebook.

With her friends being kept informed of everything from the idiots on the bus on her way to work, to her decision to use a break in ‘X-Factor’ to ‘pop to the loo’ resulting in her weeing in record time, the judges agreed that no other online writer produced such a detailed account of anything else throughout the year.

“Not only did she give us an insight into how she was feeling with just a single emoticon, she also added mystery and intrigue with updates such as ‘not again’, ‘arse’ and ‘*sigh’”, one of the judging panel explained.
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Tagged as award, book, Evening Harold, Facebook, update

by Stan | June 14, 2013 · 2:30 pm

Gardener creates winning Royal Show topiary from wife’s pubic hair

The only bush to be shaped with wax strips

There were blushes at the annual Harold Flower Show yesterday, when it was realised that the winning entry for the bush topiary section had been created from the pubic hair of the successful gardener’s wife.

Jane Fondant, leader of the local Women’s Institute and sponsor of the prize, admitted that the entry was within competition rules. “There was nothing to say that the entry had to be fashioned from the green foliage of a bush; but naturally we were thinking of a shrub rather than Mrs Kennedy’s nether regions. Things have changed a lot in the WI since Calendar Girls, and we are keen to embrace, as it were, anything that distances us from the old jam and Jerusalem image.”

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