Tag Archives: prisoner rehabilitation

Prison suicide rates disappointingly low says Cameron “We can do much better.”

cameronpointing

You there, just stop it. Pfft, this rehabilitation is a piece of piss

An array of prisoner rehabilitation schemes, that won’t actually happen, has been announced by David Cameron. These won’t begin later this year, in several poorly managed pilots.

“Evidence shows that carefully planned, targeted  initiatives can reduce reoffending.” said the PM “Putting them into practice costs money though, so we’re just going to talk about them instead for publicity, which costs us nothing … this is my best side, thanks.”

“Think of this as the criminal justice system’s Northern Powerhouse or Troubled Families Programme; it will get lots of  attention but won’t really exist. Continue reading

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Reoffending rates rocket as inmates seek to avoid Huhne

I'm here to help

I’m here to help

Suggestions by disgraced former cabinet minister Chris Huhne that he will embark on a new career helping rehabilitate prisoners are in doubt after inmates at Leyhill Prison said they would rather stay in jail for life than listen to Huhne for 5 more minutes.

Gavin Smith, an amateur shoplifter from Harold who was due to be released in 3 weeks, said he was panicking at the thought of having Huhne lecture him about the way he should live his life, and why the Lib-Dem energy policy would avoid melting the ice caps while keeping British industry moving.

“It was possibly an over-reaction to kill two inmates and three guards to avoid being released, but I was desperate” said Smith. “I’m just hoping my lawyer doesn’t think of any technical defence.”

Other inmates are committing petty offences en masse in the hope they can buy more time in prison until Huhne loses interest in helping prisoners.
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