Tag Archives: LFC

by | January 28, 2015 · 7:00 am

Liverpool to hire out Balotelli for children’s parties

balotelli

When asked about his stupid hair, he said it was still there, under the wig.

After confirming that Mario Balotelli will not be leaving Liverpool during the January transfer window, Brendan Rodgers has also revealed that the out of favour striker will be available for short-term hire for children’s parties.

The club are hoping to cover a portion of the Italy international’s wages by charging by the hour for him to entertain children with classic routines such as ‘trying to put a training bib on’ and ‘opting to shoot from thirty yards when several teammates are better placed’. Continue reading →

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by | October 23, 2014 · 5:15 pm

Brendan Rodgers angry that his new cat is behaving like a cat

Idiot

Idiot

Brendan Rodgers is said to be ‘furious’ after the cat that he got to replace his dog in the summer insisted on acting like a cat.

The Liverpool manager had a great time last year with his dog, Luis, who would happily chase a ball around for up to an hour and a half at a time and run around all over the place. When Luis moved on to a new home Rodgers bizarrely decided to get a cat, called Mario, and attempt to train him to act like a dog. He has since been hugely disappointed by Mario’s tendency to laze around all day and occasionally lick his own arse. Continue reading →

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by | October 14, 2014 · 4:30 pm

Raheem Sterling calls for ‘nap time’ to be introduced to football matches

Bless him, he's tired

Bless him, he’s tired

Raheem Sterling has suggested that the introduction of designated ‘nap breaks’ into football matches would help prevent a repeat of the fatigue that saw him left out of the England starting line-up at the weekend.

The Liverpool winger has claimed that the issue of young players being a bit sleepy is one that is not widely acknowledged within the game, calling for greater understanding, and maybe a thirty minute break to be introduced into each half of a match for them to have a little sleep.  Continue reading →

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