Liverpool to hire out Balotelli for children’s parties


When asked about his stupid hair, he said it was still there, under the wig.

After confirming that Mario Balotelli will not be leaving Liverpool during the January transfer window, Brendan Rodgers has also revealed that the out of favour striker will be available for short-term hire for children’s parties.

The club are hoping to cover a portion of the Italy international’s wages by charging by the hour for him to entertain children with classic routines such as ‘trying to put a training bib on’ and ‘opting to shoot from thirty yards when several teammates are better placed’.

“This is a good move for both Liverpool football club and also for Mario.” explained Rodgers, “It is a positive thing as it will keep him busy and allow him to spend time with people of a similar intellect to himself.”

“Where the children’s party involves football rather than just the traditional jelly and ice cream type affair it will also give him more playing time and hopefully help him find his scoring touch.”

“Just the other day he almost found the net a couple of times at a sixth birthday party. If it wasn’t for an outstanding performance by the little girl playing centre back he could have easily had a hat-trick. It’s really helped his confidence.”

Parents looking to hire Mario for a football party are being asked to let him take any penalty kicks that are awarded in order to avoid tantrums. They are also advised to keep him away from fireworks at all times.

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