“… whenever wealth or privilege are threatened”
The government defeat in the House of Lords has revealed a humble tunesmith’s status as international superhero, fearlessly parachuting in to vote whenever wealth or privilege are threatened.
Born plain Andrew Lloyd Webber, Baron Lloyd-Webber of Sydmonton struggled to come up with the tricky third name that hadn’t already been used, after learning there were no Puccini operas with superheroes he could rip off. Continue reading
Just down the corridor you say?
Leading Tory MPs were shocked yesterday, by news that a second chamber of parliament exists, up some steps, round a corner and down the corridor from their own.
Chris Grayling, Leader of the House of Commons, said it was the first he’d heard of the House of Lords but he’d go round and punch some people’s lights out, as long as he can put a set of knuckle-dusters on expenses.
“Psst, could you do that more quietly? No-one else knows you’re down there.”
The Sun on Sunday has revealed how two otherwise respectable prostitutes were involved in sleazy drug-fuelled sex romp with former Labour Minister Lord Sewel.
Speaking from underneath another client this morning, one of the women said she felt betrayed by Sewel’s silence about his day job.
“I assumed he was a drug dealer or a pimp” said ‘Janice’ “so I was disgusted to find that he was in the House of Lords. Would you excuse me, just got to finish…” Continue reading
The eyes have had it.
Recent mild winters have been blamed for parliament’s upper house roll-call remaining stubbornly complete.
“Unless we get a severe cold snap, it may not be easy to lever in everyone who’s bought a peerage” said worried Tory Treasurer Lord Fink “so the PM will check long-range weather forecasts before making his final decision on numbers.”
After the Fred Goodwin scandal, big-money party donors saw that knighthoods could be lost for trifling matters, such as misplacing billions of pounds, and were more willing to stump up the extra for the guaranteed security of a peerage. Continue reading
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