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Shaker Aamerhas has told extremists to “get the hell out” of the UK and denounced Islamist attacks, but Britain First dismissed this as ‘bollocks’, calling for him to swear loyalty to the Queen, the United Kingdom and the Church of England.
Aamer had been held in captivity for 14 years, in the US government’s fight against people who, if given half a chance, would strip US citizens of their right to a fair trial.
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has been embarrassed by the discovery of a fully-functional set of thumbscrews in his hand luggage for a flight to the US, it emerged today.
Already facing criticism for his role in enabling the torture of British citizens in Guantanamo Bay, the discovery could not have come at a worse time for Blair.
It has recently been discovered that Blair and former Foreign Minister Jack Straw instructed our embassies to send British citizens to Guantanamo, even after knowing about US torture there.
These revelations have been damaging, but no-one expected Blair to be playing such an active role in the actual torturing.
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“I was helping a charity to dig wells in Afghanistan but – foolishly – hadn’t shaved; out of respect for the local culture” explained Shaker Aemar, the last British resident held in Guantanamo Bay, now back in the UK.
“So really, I’ve only myself to blame for being locked up without evidence, charge or trial, from before my son was born 13 years ago.”
Mr Aemar is grateful to the free, rule-of-law countries which have kept the world safe from the risks he posed of beard-lice and freshly dug wells, since bounty-hunters hoiked him off a street and cashed him in with the US military in 2001. I was what they call a clear and present danger, thank goodness they got me in time.”
“It’s not only the good old US of A I’m obliged to” chuckled Aemar “The UK government has no plans to detain me either so I’ll have done no more than the equivalent of a 28 year jail sentence. Result!”
“I’ve learned my lesson though” he added “Someone at UK immigration today suggested I might shave my beard off for Children in Need, but I’m giving charity work a miss for the time being.”
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