As the value of the pound drops faster than the all new Shadow Cabinet’s approval ratings the UK has adopted bags and wrappers from Greggs as an alternate currency.
“This new approach is exactly where Brexit Britain should be according to my financial planning,” said abyss that stares back, Philip Hammond. “There’s no cause for concern and globally this country in no way looks like a howling mess pushed into crisis by suggestible bigots. Greggs wrappers are fine, just fine. Everything is fine.”
The new currency will inevitably put strain on the NHS as people gorge themselves even fatter on pasties to get Greggs bags however at a press conference later today Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage are expected to announce that the NHS will be getting an extra three hundred and fifty million bags a week so there’s nothing to worry about.
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