Tag Archives: Google self-driving car

Driverless car chases cyclist for three miles in road rage incident

Google CarConfidence in driverless cars has soared after Google’s self-driving car chased a cyclist for three miles while unleashing a torrent of abuse and spraying the cyclist with water.

According to eye witnesses in Palo Alto, the incident started when a middle-aged cyclist with an enormous sense of entitlement jumped the traffic lights causing the Google self-driving car to slam on its brakes to avoid a collision. The cyclist then laughed, gave the Google car the finger, and sped off. But it is what happened next that made observers realise driverless cars really were here to stay.
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Google to launch self-jerking penis


At last, both hands free!

Following the successful launch of the self-driving car, Google announced today the prototype of the self-jerking penis, a landmark in automatic genital manipulation which will allow users to bring themselves to shuddering climax with no actual manual intervention.

After research showed that virtually 100% of search engine requests were from young men seeking pictures of boobies, the tech giant realised the enormous productivity gains which could be achieved by simply connecting the male organ directly to the internet and controlling up and down movements and tightness of grip by following a complex algorithm personalised for each user.

“We believe Google Toss (TM) will ensure unparalleled levels of efficiency, pleasure and safety for the masturbatory experience,” explained Gordon Renfrew, Vice Present for the internet of rude things at Google. “The self-jerking penis will free up up least 50% of the population to do more useful things, like changing gear or steering the car.”

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