The government is to trial putting a spy into every house in Harold to listen in to every conversation so they can be sure you are not an ISIS.
The plans, which if successful will be rolled out across the country, will see an agent from MI5 or GCHQ put into the corner of every living room in the village disguised as a standing lamp holding a laptop in a bid to be unobtrusive yet able to note down your every word.
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Filed under Around Harold, News, Politics
Pussy webcam ‘a bit of a disappointment’
GCHQ was inundated with ‘freedom of information’ applications from perverts yesterday, following revelations that it stole millions of intimate webcam images.
However, GCHQ dismissed claims that it’s engaged in invasion of privacy and thievery.
“What the Guardian reader types don’t realise” said a spokesperson “is that it is only our constant benign vigilance that protects them from constant malign invasion of privacy and thievery. I’m sure that will now be reflected in journalists’ reports.” adding “We know where they live, the colour of their bedroom wallpaper, and the size and shape of their tattoos.”
Snooping at people through net curtains ‘defends people’s freedoms’, the head of Harold’s Neighbourhood Watch (HNW) has told the council’s ‘nosey bastards select committee’.
Janice Logan, Chief Executive of HNW, told the committee that since she took charge in 2010, her organisation has disrupted 3 cases of anti-social behaviour, identified the mystery dog owner that left their dog’s ‘suspicious packages’ all over the village without clearing them up, and had set-up surveillance on five separate bedrooms to counter the threat affairs may have on the local divorce rate.
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Filed under Around Harold, Crime, News
David Miranda – the partner of Glen Greenwald, the Guardian journalist who released documents about privacy from Edward Snowden – has begun legal action to stop anti-terrorist police from viewing and subsequently sharing his embarrassing holiday photos.
“They can look at all the documents on my laptop, and my browsing history on my i Pad, but there is no way they are looking at the holiday snaps on my camera,” Mr Miranda told us.
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