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Kim Jong-un orders North Koreans to weigh 25 stone

Kim reveals the secret to his remarkable figure.

Kim reveals the secret to his remarkable figure.

In an attempt to bring homogeny to the people of North Korea, Kim Jong-un has decreed that all citizens will weigh ‘around 25 stone’.

Already resplendent in the haircut of the Dear Leader, the entire population is expected to treble in weight ‘as swiftly as possible’.

“Respected Comrade Kim Jong-un has blessed us with his wobbling image of beauty”, announced the Politburo. “He has worked tirelessly through our buttered lobster reserves to become ‘larger than life’ for all our benefit.”
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