Tag Archives: Bernard Cribbins

by | April 2, 2020 · 4:09 pm

Huge increase in coronavirus testing as the Wombles take power

There’s more empathy in these eyes than Matt Hancock’s
The UK has finally got a grip on the Covid-19 crisis as a bunch of stuffed oddballs created in the sixties and seventies are removed from their positions in government by the Wombles.
Communicating through a shadowy figure known only as ‘Bernard Cribbins’, the Wombles have increased the number of coronavirus tests being carried out daily by more than 400% and also found the time to have a gently amusing mishap over an old umbrella then enjoy a slice or two of elmbark pie followed by double buttercup ice-cream.
“The Wombles are the heroes we need right now,” Mr Cribbins told reporters at the Number Ten daily briefing. “Some may say they have no experience, no plan and are in fact fictional. To them I say this – they’re still a better bet than Boris Johnson.”


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by | December 29, 2015 · 12:13 pm

RSPCB warn that Cribbins is ‘last surviving famous Bernard’

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The Cribbins, seen in its natural environment

The RSPCB’s endangered species watch team reported today that ‘Voice of the Wombles’ Bernard Cribbins is now likely to be the only celebrity called ‘Bernard’ still surviving in the wild in the UK.

“Bernard numbers have been dropping steadily for many years, but until today’s count we had no idea just how rare the famous Bernard has become on these shores,” announced an RSPCB spokesman this morning.

“Conditions have been getting more and more harsh for the native Bernard, and one by one they’ve died out – Shaw, Bresslaw, even Manning – we don’t believe there remains a single breeding pair of Bernards in existence.”

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