Total eclipse of fiery orange ball not Donald Trump

President Trump, having an unusually calm day at the office

Millions were disappointed at the weekend, when it emerged that the huge, glowing orange ball going into shadow on Monday will be the Sun and not the 45th President of the USA.

“I’d heard that an angrily burning, self-fuelling, incandescent ball, best seen through six inch thick darkened glass, would be off-line tomorrow.” said AdamCassidy, a 23 year old conspiracy theorist from Harold.

“Naturally, I assumed President Trump was being turned off and on again or having his hairweave re-enamelled. Either way, I thought we’d be having a day off. Just one day, is it too much to ask?”

“I’d arranged to do things; take the dog for a walk, have a shave, sweep the house for bugs. I haven’t done any of that since January” said a resigned Cassidy. “Now I’ll be glued to my phone as usual, checking if I need to fill the bomb shelter tank with fresh water.”

“Still, it could be worse” he added “there’s less risk of going blind watching the Sun.”

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