‘So tired, can’t brain. Will “Woman who’s been dead for twenty years, still dead” do as a headline?’
The end of August currently seems to be a hundred years away for knackered tabloid journalists ordered to write as much Princess Diana related bobbins as possible day after day.
“All day, every day: the queen of people’s hearts and her lovers. William and Harry good, four legs, sorry I mean Camilla, bad,” said one frazzled Daily Express drone as they rocked back and forth. “I don’t know if we’re going to make it to the thirty-first.”
“I suppose the alternative is that we leave her family and friends to their grief,” a Daily Mail creature told us as they used photoshop to manipulate a photograph of the late Princess in order to show readers how fat and hideous she’d be now had she lived and thus committed the great Daily Mail sin of being a middle-aged woman. “But when it comes to Diana it’s hard to imagine a moderate and mature reaction ever being popular.”
“If you want a vision of the future,” he said. “Imagine a twenty-four page special called ‘Diana and her boys’ being waved in your face – for ever. And then please click through it all again online, thank you.”
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