“Just stop it! Abusing hospital staff is my job” says Jeremy Hunt

“Threatening doctors and nurses is my job”

Jeremy Hunt insists the task of threatening Great Ormond Street Hospital staff is his and his alone, warning “amateurs” protesting over little Charlie Gard’s care to leave it to trained professionals, like him.

“I studied for years before taking on the role of abusing NHS staff” argues Hunt, who accepts this didn’t involve studying healthcare. “And I always have to keep my knowledge up to date, with frequent private healthcare briefings and annual Conservative party conferences, sponsored by public sector outsourcing specialists”.

“You don’t just wander in with no medical training and threaten doctors and nurses, pursuing some agenda you’ve just picked up from the Daily Mail.” the Health Secretary continued.

“No, no, no. I wandered in from selling marmalade and picked up my agenda from my employer, Rupert Murdoch, along with my pay packet.”