Blair to hide from any war criminal charges in the Shard

“Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don’t look around my eyes, look into my eyes, you’re at war.”

Tony “I think most people who have dealt with me, think I’m a pretty straight sort of guy, and I am” Blair has found the perfect spot to go to ground as the chances of him being prosecuted for leading the UK into the Iraq War increase: the vast empty wastes of the Shard.

“It’s ideal,” one of Blair’s enablers said. “There’s absolutely no bugger living there and it’s owned by the kind of human rights abusing country that he’s come to adore since leaving office.”

“Best of all hiding in the Shard guarantees his freedom. As a former Prime Minister his arrest would be carried out by one of the most senior police officers in the land and there’s no way someone like that would ever go south of the river.”

At the time of writing Blair was believed to still be at large and understood to be desperately trying to reach an influential former contact known only as Dubya.