Captain Pugwash and crew to police UK fishing waters

The Black Pig is now sixty-five per cent of the entire Royal Naval fleet.

In a post-Brexit attempt to have less friends than that weird kid from your primary school whose smell could make a statue vomit and had a plaster over one lens of his NHS glasses the government has announced that it will be enforcing control of UK fishing waters.

“The fishing industry gets our core voting bloc of elderly right-wingers moist,” said Brexit Secretary, David Davis. “So it’s vital we take a stand on this issue. Unfortunately due to cuts we don’t really have a Royal Navy anymore apart from that big new aircraft carrier with no aircraft on it. So Captain Pugwash and his crew have been enlisted to get the job done.”

“While they are perhaps more prone to mild hijinks and small-child friendly shenanigans than other vessels I am confident that they will do a good job,” he said. “As a crew most famous for a myth about their names they are perfect for Brexit activities as everything we said about it before the referendum was also complete bollocks. “