He is a golden god walking amongst us mere mortals
The country is more chillaxed than David Cameron on a Florida beach this morning as it has collectively decided to ignore reality and worship a very clever Canadian chap.
“Oooh Monkmania!” enthused local fan of things Jane Hough. “I just love him! The way he presses that buzzer and then answers correctly again and again and again. I’ll be on Twitter for hours tonight talking about him. Why? Have you seen the news from, well, everywhere? I’m not dealing with any of that heaving sack of bobbins, environmental disaster and hypocrisy until I have to.”
“These days you could replace the Six O’Clock News with a half hour montage of scenes from The Shining, Psycho, Se7en and more recent films the person who wrote this is too out of touch to reference and it would be far less scary than what’s actually happening,” she said. “Eric Monkman takes us away from all that and makes everything seem better.”
Fearing an impending and irreversible collapse in the nation’s morale after University Challenge ends tonight the government has appealed for anyone with an idea for mass national distraction to come forward but has cautioned that all suggestions based around building a bunker, getting the hell away before the chaos envelopes us and the Hunger Games begin or not having to work full time until you’re eighty-five just to be able to afford to eat once a day will be rejected.
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