DWP on MS woman’s lost benefits “if she could squeeze a thumb, why not a trigger & work as a killer?”

The name’s Green, Damian Green: licenced to harass

Outraged DWP assessors found that Mel Wiseman, a woman with MS, had rejected work as an internationaal assassin, despite being able to grip someone’s thumb.

“She was assessed last year as a malingerer, who might have taken any number of jobs.” said Damian Green, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions.

“Scalextric test driver, banana ripeness officer or, with her specialist knowledge of pretending to be unfit for work, putting the squeeze on the disabled for the DWP. She might even join the government as Minister For Penny Pinching.”

DWP has now reversed the decision to stop Wiseman’s mobility payments, but Green confirms this was completely unconnected with Wiseman having “moaned to the bloody Press about it”.

“No, we simply had no idea that most of the traditional thumb-squeezing jobs have been offshored to China, where they do it cheaper.” said Green “Has she considered moving? If not, the assassin thing might still be the perfect career choice.”