Cats aren’t merely sleeping – they’re dreaming of worming humans

Cat’s spend most of their day sleeping because they’re dreaming of worming humans, according to Harold cat whisperer Mary Evans.

“Cat may appear to be lazy and sleeping their life away, but the cunning buggers are actually secretly plotting to worm their owners” explained Evans. “They resent having to hang round humans for a measly two portions of alleged meat a day, and what better way to exact revenge than through the utter humiliation of worming?”

When asked how a cat whisperer can be so convinced that cats are plotting to worm humans, Ms Evans confessed on this occasion it wasn’t anything to do with whispering, but more about observing her cat’s evil trickery with her own eyes.

“I’d wormed Tiddles earlier in the evening, you know, the sneaky way by putting a pill in her ‘meat’. This doesn’t always work, but this time Tiddles ate everything up, then went on her chair for a sleep. Later in the evening I was eating my chicken tikka masala when I bit into a pill – a worming pill. A review of CCTV footage showed Tiddles waited till I left the kitchen, then snuck in and regurgitated the pill in my curry while it was cooking. She then snuck out back to her chair for a ‘sleep’.”

Ms Evans said while her first reaction was annoyance, she had to admire Tiddles’ cunning, and, well, she still has the cutest tabby markings and silky fur.

“And I also have the gorgeous Freya and Twinkle, who sleep on my bed every night and wouldn’t harm a fly” beamed Evans.

“Hang on, my ex-husband said I always used to sleep with my mouth open. And I often wake up with a tickle in my throat …”