David Cameron has spoke of his disappointment now that the news that seven year old Yamato Tanooka has been found after spending six days alone in a bear-filled forest makes him look rubbish.
“When I’d had it up to here with one of my kids I simply left her behind in rather a nice pub,” he said. “Yamato’s parents took it to another level. That really was one hell of a naughty step the little chap was put on.”
“I’m going to pull myself up by my bootstraps and do better as a father. Next time one of mine kicks off, and for some reason the nannies are unavailable, I’ll ask the close protection team to do me a favour and dump the kid somewhere unimaginably bleak and full of terrors. I wonder where my nearest shopping mall is?”