I love BHS and Austin Reed, say millions who would never, ever shop there


Sadly, they’re all walking past, not going in

Social media and newspaper columns are full of people claiming a profound love for BHS and Austin Reed which in no way extends to actually going to either shop and spending some money.

“BHS? It’s iconic!” enthused local media and trend analyst, Dr Lizzie Philips. “It’s right there in the name, British Home Stores, fantastic! Shopping with your nan, pic ‘n’ mix from Woolies, jumper from C&A, hi-fi from Rumbelows on your Christmas list and then finish off with tea in BHS. Perfect. Have I gone near BHS since I had a choice? Dear god no, it’s not exactly my scene.”

“Austin Reed suit and Church’s brogues used to be the uniform for an army officer needing to look smart out of uniform,” Col. Thomas Hallet told us. “Excellent place. Means something more than just a shop. Speaks of a way of life that seems to be increasingly lost. Do I still shop there? Well, no, you see I found another place that, ahem, suits me better and to be honest is a lot cheaper.”

As the outpouring of sentiment and nostalgic memes pile up the only person interested in putting money into either brand is Sir Philip Green who is rumoured to be preparing a bid for Austin Reed. Apparently he’s heard that some of the buildings have lead on the roof that he can strip off and sell.

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