Local Council launches ‘looking at flowers in the park’ charge


All the yellow has been used up by irresponsible lookers

Following in the footsteps of Stoke Gifford Council, which charges runners using parks they’ve already paid for, Harold council has taken the unprecedented step of introducing a charge for looking at their park’s flowers.

“It’s a scientific fact that looking at daffodils uses up some of their yellow.” explained Councillor Ron Ronsson “By the weekend it’s often been used up by pensioners’ midweek visits.”

“And don’t forget the oxygen they’re extracting from the air while doing it. They come down here, from as far away as Leighton Buzzard or Dunstable, unashamedly recycling our O2 into CO2. It puts a heavy burden on our trees, which have to convert it back to O2. It all costs money you know.”

Ronssson is sympathetic to the plight of Stoke Gifford councillors “I’ts unfair for non-running residents to pay for the upkeep of paths destroyed by synthetic-rubber-soled trainers.”

“It’s the thin edge of the wedge. It starts with dozens of runners, wearing out concrete and tarmac by aggressive jogging. Before you know it, it’ll be free schooling using up teachers. It needs stamping out – but gently and not on council paths, obviously.”

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