Housing Crisis: Huge rise in people living inside whales


Family home and granny flat

As Tory millionaires with at least two homes each gleefully reduce council house stock and preside over a housing market more out of control than Kim Jong-un at a cheeseboard, more and more people are setting up home inside whales.

“It’s embarrassing,” nurse Toni Morris told us. “I’m thirty and been working full time since uni but there’s no way I can get on the housing ladder. I never thought I’d find myself ‘doing a Jonah’ but here I am.”

While generally regarded as decent landlords whales are being blamed for river congestion as their key worker tenants are parking them right in the heart of the cities they’ve been priced out of. So far clamping has proved impossible and opposition continues to mount against the government’s proposed Urban Cetacea Tax and their encouraging of rich non-doms to rent whales and deliberately keep them empty.

Toni Morris hopes to move into porpoise-built accommodation soon.

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