“It will only seem like an eternity”
Ending speculation that it might be rested, ITV has delivered the crushing news that X Factor will continue until hell freezes over.
An ITV spokesman dismissed this as pure speculation and confirmed that the contract actually runs to 2017, “so it will only seem like an eternity”.
X Factor alumni Olly Murs broke the news live on ITV yesterday, “I can now announce that the X factor will continue, until …………………[heartbeat]………………….. dum dum …………………………………… dum dum ……………….. ……………………………. dum dum ………………………………………………. dum dum ………………………….. …………………… 2017.”
“It’s a music fan’s worst nightmare.” said Harold’s Cassie Fine “Like gazing into a giant schlock-pit, full of tears, broken dreams, and terminally ill grandmothers. Even worse than Cheryl Tweedy-Cole-Fernandez-Versini’s latest dreadful warbling.”
In an emotional statement delivered while sitting on some rocks, looking out at the sea, the X Factor said “This is all I’ve ever wanted. I just really, really want this so much and I’m not ready to go home yet.” before breaking down in tears and adding that it wished its mother was still here to see it, and just wanted to do her proud.
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