PM to demolish the worst social housing, before selling-off the rest

Dave practices his Very Earnest face

Like his idol Churchill before him, David Cameron has launched his own version of Blitz spirit only in a modern twist he’ll be the one flattening thousands of people’s homes.

Many of the UK’s worst estates will be bulldozed, in his Blitz on poverty, creating more space for rich people.

Appearing on The Andrew Marr Show, the Prime Minister wore his Very Earnest face, answering questions so fluently one might almost imagine he’d sent them in to the BBC in advance.

The PM explained how, to tackle drug abuse and gang culture, bleak housing would be torn down and replaced with luxury homes, much more suitable for white-collar criminals and other conservative party donors.

“Once we’ve ploughed through the underclass chuff huts, we’ll work our way up to decent homes and sell them as-they-are to the right sort of chap. Or chapess, obviously.”

“The poor will be with us always … actually, I’ll get back to you on that.” intoned Cameron gravely. “But that doesn’t mean they have the right to get in the way of five star urban space developments with high-end retail opportunities. By definition the poor don’t have much stuff so they don’t need much room and if they’re hungry, why, then let them eat cake.”