Cheek bones to die for.
Marilyn Monroe’s skeleton could be signed by a top modelling agency, if her estate agrees to a couple of ribs being removed.
Once notorious for her hideously three-dimensional body, Marilyn’s latest ‘diet’ has brought her tantalisingly close to being slim enough for modern fashion tastes.
“We wouldn’t have signed her when she was alive, she was just too ‘flesh and bone'”, said fashion mogul Karl Masstasi. “But now she’s all bone, she can easily fit into our dresses. Once we’ve shaved down her pelvis.”
Masstasi denied that a well-rotted corpse was an impossible aspiration for vulnerable teens.
“We’re not body fascists, and we’re pretty much opposed to the ‘bone shaming’ of wide-femured young girls”, Masstasi claimed.
“Which is why Marilyn is perfect: she’s followed a healthy ‘no-food’ diet for the last 50 or so years, but her skeleton still weighs slightly more than Olga Sherer.”
Marilyn will flaunt her new look on the cover of the January issue of Vogue, which also features articles on how to sew your lips shut, and why being fired into space can help you reach your ideal weight.
You must be logged in to post a comment.