Homeopathy fans starting to notice it doesn’t do anything

"Hang on a minute, it's all bollocks!"

“Hang on a minute, it’s ALL sugar???”

Following the news that homeopathic ‘treatments’ may be added to the list of ineffective things that doctors are not allowed to prescribe, fans of the sugar pills with nothing else in them have started to realise that the technique may be ‘bollocks’, it emerged today.

The controversial practice is based on the concept that easily-led people are likely to pay for anything which sounds cosmic, but the most ardent adherents are now noticing that even after much expense, they still seem to have hayfever, cancer or the clap.

“The penny really dropped when my woefully diseased male organ finally fell off,” explained Darby Crutch from the English village of Harold. “Even though I’d remortgaged my house to pay for months of infinitely diluted knob-rot. When I saw it lying there on the shower mat, I realised that real medicine might have worked better.”

Dr Claude ‘Snakeoil’ Beauchamp, the president of the Faculty of Homeopathy, and owner of a shiny new BMW, told the Evening Harold that it would be better to ban drugs which worked instead, as homeopathic pills had a “profound effect” on his bank balance.

Speaking into a sugar microphone which did disappointingly little to amplify his words, he insisted: “Patient choice is important, except when they realise homeopathy doesn’t work. Then they’re wrong wrong wrong. Especially the dead ones, but they can’t answer back anyway. Losers.”

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