As politicians prepare to gather at the Cenotaph this morning the government has admitted that it absentmindedly used the Armed Forces Covenant as toilet paper.
“At least that way it saw some practical use,” said Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson. “The covenant is supposed to acknowledge the moral obligation the Government owes the armed forces, ensure they’re not disadvantaged in the provision of services and get special consideration if needed but tits to all that. Have you ever met an ex-squaddie? I have and they’re unbearable, it’s all ‘spare some change, mate’ this and ‘I need a specially adapted home because an IED blew off most of my limbs’ that. You can’t get a positive word out of them.”
“We’ve been criticised especially for there being no jobs in Civvy Street for people when they leave the armed forces,” Mr Williamson went on to say. “That’s nonsense, there’s lots of jobs out there, especially with charities that support serving and ex-members of the military. For some reason they’re terribly busy.”