Cameron ‘can’t learn lessons from Chilcot yet’

tornado bombing

“Votes, lovely votes. I’ll count the votes in…”

David Cameron’s main concern about the Chilcot report delay is being unable to learn its lessons.

“I mean, I can’t actually see a problem in launching air attacks in Syria” mused the PM to close friends today “But without Chilcot, it’s just impossible to know what might go wrong.”

“Then there’s the plus side. To see RAF jets – not the Red Arrows, proper ones – in action… ‘I counted them all out and I counted them all back’… I’d feel so proud. As if I’d achieved something with my life.”

“Me, David Cameron. Eton; Oxford; Prime Minister … War Leader!. ‘Thish ish your Victory!’ Crombie overcoat, homburg, victory v-sign, big cigar, ah, I can almost smell it.”

While the Chilcott report remains unavailable to learn from, Cameron has turned instead to Margaret Thatcher’s autobiography. “Well this is pretty conclusive”, he revealed. “Even a small war can help secure an election.”

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