Just hours after Bastian Schweinsteiger revealed he was suing the makers of a doppelganger Nazi doll, Wayne Rooney has launched his own legal action against Mr Potato Head.
“I was in a toy shop, looking for a present for my wife, when I suddenly noticed a display of tiny mirrors”, explained Rooney.
“I must have been there for 2 or 3 hours, just staring into them, when someone picked up one of my reflections and wandered off.”
Rooney was horrified to find that there were no mirrors: he’d stumbled across a display of potato-like ‘dolls’.
“You can’t tell me it was a coincidence, they even had removable hair”, said Rooney. “I’m sure if you put both of us in the same room, I wouldn’t be able to tell which one was me.”
“It’s not for me that I’m suing them: it’s the kids I worry about. Imagine getting home thinking you’d bought England’s top goal scorer, only to find that your wife didn’t want two of you?”