Corby’s Corner: Pigs & the truth about Diane Abbott

Labour Leader, Jeremy Corbyn writes exclusively for the Evening Harold

corby (2)Hello Comrades,

Well, I’ve never been one to gloat, but it’s been a pig of a week for the Tories!

After the vilifying I received at the hands of the right wing press for not singing a silly song about the preservation of the Queen, the confirmation that Cameron and his cronies really do have their snouts in the trough has been a delight. It’s amazing what the privileged get up to behind closed doors!

I’d just like to take this opportunity to assure my supporters that whilst I come from a comfortable background – which, of course, I deplored – the only thing we ever inserted into a pig’s mouth was an apple.

Changing the subject entirely, I’d just like to say a few words about the vile stories circulating about myself and the lovely Diane Abbott. It is true that Diane and I had a coalition in the late 1970’s. So what? She was just a gel wanting to be loved, and I was a man wanting to do some loving. There was briefly talk of a wedding, but to quote the blessed Karl Marx: “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” Now I hope I’ve cleared that up.

Our Party Conference at Brighton fast approaches and we had our first Executive Committee, (or Shadow Cabinet as the gutter press calls it) meeting to thrash out some policies. I’d not met many of them before but we had a stimulating debate which got quite heated at times. However, once Diane tapped Hilary Benn’s head on the table everything settled down quite nicely.

Eventually we agreed that members of the public will be invited to propose ideas which seems the perfect solution, although the suggestion already supplied by Boris from Chelsea would appear to be physically impossible ….. unless you’re a Tory.

Oink, oink! Your comrade, Jeremy

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