“Sex with dead pig was a metaphor for my plan for UK society,” insists Cameron

Cameron in happier times, poised to spring

After shocking revelations of bestiality again swept the government, David Cameron has insisted that the incident when he put his penis into the mouth of a dead pig was merely part of an explanation of his future plans for the UK.

The porcine molestation, which occurred at a dining club at Oxford University, has been seen by many as further proof that the Prime Minister is the sort of slimy lowlife who would literally fuck a pig, but a government spokesperson insisted the incident has been taken “out of context”.

“When the future PM inserted his ‘private organ’ into a dead pig’s mouth, he was only trying to demonstrate visually the beneficial effect of Conservative policies on the country,” the spokesperson explained.

“And indeed, millions of people in Britain today can honestly say they know how that pig feels.”

“This is clearly the only reasonable explanation, as the alternative, that Mr Cameron enjoys sex with dead farmyard animals, is obviously out of the question, and anyway he gave it up a long time ago.”

Muslim and Jewish groups have complained that the whole thing is in poor taste, and in the interest of being seen to do the right thing, Cameron has agreed to fuck a falafel at the first opportunity.