“And after I’ve had a cup of tea I’m going to eradicate polio through memes.”
As the refugee crisis worsens residents of Harold are shocked that their Facebook posts on the matter are having no effect at all.
“I wrote ‘Refugees Welcome’ in nail polish on a stone then put it in the front garden and uploaded a photograph of what I’d done,” estate agent Gill Gates told us. “It got loads of likes and shares but I just looked at the news and nothing’s changed. I don’t get it. Tonight I’ll put candles around it and then photograph that, maybe that’ll make the government take action.”
“You know that picture of the drowned little boy?” said local postman, Jack Thornley. “Well, I’ve been posting it every hour for twelve hours to make people think, yeah? I’ve also signed and shared that petition to get Sir Elton John to redo ‘Candle in the Wind’ but with lyrics about the refugees. I mean you’ve got to do something, haven’t you? Can’t just sit here and watch.”
The bafflement at the lack of change their constant social media use is having on the situation extends to villagers who are less sympathetic to those caught up in the crisis.
“My hashtag #FortressBritain has had very nearly three hundred retweets,” project manager, Ian Woodall said. “And I’ve had several dozen likes on the pages of certain Facebook groups with which I find myself agreeing more and more. We can’t let everyone in and I’ll post everyday if I have to in order to make sure this island’s interests and culture are protected. Both my grandfathers fought in World War II now I’m carrying on that legacy of fighting for what is right and decent. I might even open an instagram account. Sometimes you’ve got to go that extra mile.”
At the time of writing the British government is not believed to be getting its policies on refugees and migrants from Facebook. It’s not believed to have any policies at all.
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