Waitrose introduces artisan traffic wardens

carpark waitroseWaitrose have added a level of sophistication to parking enforcement with the introduction of artisan traffic wardens.

Waitrose spokesman Clive Edmonds says its artisan traffic wardens will issue bespoke parking tickets catering both to people new to parking infringing and also to the serious connoisseur of overstaying.

“Our artisans will hand craft parking tickets in silver-rich pewter, individually forged according to a centuries-old formula, and then put them on customer’s windscreens when they are one minute late” said Edmonds.

“And for those wanting a truly special lasting memory of petty parking enforcement, an artisan traffic warden can exquisitely etch a ticket directly onto an overstaying vehicle’s windscreen.”

Customer Julie Lilliput said her artisan traffic warden was surprisingly authentic.

“He was dressed in 1700s clothing and smelt of mead as he explained how I had violated the ancient ‘Max two hours, no returns within two hours’ policy. My one quibble is I’d overstayed by less than 5 minutes yet it took him over 5 hours to etch out a ticket.”

Clive Edmonds said Ms Lilliput was not alone in enjoying the artisan parking experience, and the silver-rich pewter parking tickets in particular were such popular mementos that customers were sticking them up their own arses.

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