Man’s ‘great night out’ claim scuppered by failure to buy 3am kebab

kebab shopA local man’s claim to have had a ‘great night out’ was scuppered after it emerged there was no photographic evidence of him waking up with a half-eaten 3am kebab on his face.

Jason Mills shared numerous photos of his night out on Facebook, from a big session at the Squirrel Licker’s Arms to a vomit-covered selfie from a Dunstable nightclub disabled toilet. But his morning after euphoria soon evaporated when his brother posted ‘where’s the kebab?’

A devastated Mills denied he was too sober to have a 3am kebab saying he was ‘definitely pissed enough’, but it simply ‘slipped his mind’.

“I’m well gutted. I did the basics right with 10 pints at the Squirrel Licker’s and multiple shots at the nightclub. I snogged an undiscriminating lass, pissed on a Volvo, and got tasered by PC Flegg.”

“I even remembered to racially abuse the mini-cab driver, which was not easy as his family came to Britain over 1,200 years ago.”

“I’ll be forever haunted by that morning after selfie with no yoghurt sauce smeared on my cheeks, no chunks of pita bread in my hair, and no lettuce in my ears” said Mills.

Mr Mills was completely inconsolable when he later discovered PC Flegg’s taser was still jammed up his arse and he realised the kebab blunder had cost him an ‘epic night out’.

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