It minces bats, but at what price?
Whilst acknowledging that the 100-foot high rotating blades would bring the village a step closer to being bat-free, Dr Rachel Guest fears that one side-effect could be a supply of sustainable power.
“Naturally, the bat mincer has to go ahead”, said Guest, “if we’re to rid our skies of the leathery-winged menace.”
“But we have to work out how to minimise all the electricity this thing will spew out, or it’ll look like we weren’t focusing on mincing bats.”
Early tests have shown that even a close run-in with the machine can reduce the most stubborn bat to paté.
“But if the wind catches it, we’re looking at an output of 1 megawatt. That’s enough to power several hospitals, or the new panda canning plant.”
Guest has proposed a carbon-offset scheme for the giant bat mincer, which will see mounds of coal burned in the countryside whenever the device is running.
“We all have to do our bit, if we’re to maintain the status quo”, claimed the scientist. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to pop out in my science ship to catch some whale fat to oil it.”
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