Jeremy Corbyn launches scathing attack on Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn has joined the long list of prominent politicians and commentators attacking the leadership credentials of Jeremy Corbyn.

“Jeremy Corbyn doesn’t understand big business” said Jeremy Corbyn. “He has no clue how the likes of Amazon, Google, Starbucks can make super profits but pay no tax. He doesn’t get why zero hours contracts and the stripping away of people’s self worth are necessary to make the economy function.”

“Corbyn’s financial illiteracy is so great he has the quaint notion banks should prudently serve their customers rather than gamble everything on sub-prime Brazilian coffee derivatives. He naively thinks the government could run trains better than Richard Branson, with less annoying hair. He would squander precious energy resources on keeping pensioners warm.”

“Jeremy just doesn’t make an effort with the media. He’s never attended one of Rupert Murdoch’s parties, much less had a sleepover with Wendi. He misses valuable photo opportunities because he’s wasting time speaking in Town Halls. Jeremy Corbyn can’t even get good press in the Guardian” said Corbyn.

Corbyn concluded by saying he ‘would not serve’ under the leadership of Jeremy Corbyn.

“The man couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery, hell, Jeremy Corbyn probably couldn’t even organise an oil war in the Middle East” said Jeremy Corbyn.