Airport shops have suffered a crippling blow in their battle
to deny terrorists travel pillows, cologne and big sticks of Toblerone.
With passengers now refusing to show their boarding cards to
ever-vigilant shop assistants, it’s only a matter of time before an islamist acquires a very, very, very slightly cheaper pair of Ray-Ban Aviators.
“It’s demoralising”, said Sharon Hostage, who works at Luton Airport’s duty-free shop. “For the last 3 years, I’ve worked tirelessly to stop some nutjob buying the latest Maeve Binchy novel.”
“I need to see their boarding pass to do some rudimentary background checks (and reclaim the tax), but now even a blatant Jihadist could waltz out of here with a copy of the Daily Mail, and some Stugeron.”
We did ask Sharon if books and newspapers were VAT-exempt anyway, but she explained they weren’t if you put them through the till as ‘whisky’.
Passenger groups have condemned the retailers and Sharon Hostage specifically, after she took our pen and denied that she’d done it.
“I haven’t got it, and pens are sharp so you’re not allowed them on planes anyway. I can sell you a nice new one though? Could I just see your boarding card?”