A Harold man who requested ‘breakfast in bed, a box of chocolates, and a blowjob’ for Father’s Day says he was just being ironic, and he was perfectly happy with his haul of two slices of toast and a box of Roses chocolates.
“To be honest, I was rapt to even get two of the three” said insurance assessor and father of three Alan Atkins. “I’d have been just as happy, but definitely no more happy, to say get the chocolates and a blowjob.”
“I mean given it was obviously just a bit of banter, it was a real result to get some toast, even if it was a bit burnt. They say burnt toast is carcinogenic, but I don’t really believe it, and anyway you have to die of something. And the two chocolates that the kids didn’t eat were very nice. I think the strawberry ones are pretty underrated, and don’t really deserve to be left till the end like they usually are. I’d say they are actually my 4th favourites.”
“I’m pretty lucky really, I know Dominic Delaney made a similar jokey request and he only got one of the three, the blowjob. Apparently his kids just yelled ‘Happy Father’s Day!’ through the locked bedroom door then wandered off to watch the telly for hours without even bringing toast. He was probably in tears as he lay in bed contemplating the unfairness of it all as Pippa played her tongue all over his manhood and the realisation sunk in that he wouldn’t be eating a strawberry chocolate” said Atkins.
“I’ve got a birthday coming up in a few weeks, and I’d be very satisfied if I got a new business shirt and a box of chocolates. If I got a shirt and a blowjob, I’d obviously take it, but it is six of one and half a dozen of another, it’s not that I’d prefer one of these equally good things over the other.”
When the Evening Harold caught up with Mr Atkins at the Squirrel Lickers Arms at lunchtime, Atkins insisted he certainly wasn’t sad, and what seemed like crying was actually tears of joy, and that it was probably one of the best days of his life, or in any event in the top five.
Atkins did admit that the strawberry Roses chocolates had reacted in his tummy and he was feeling slightly nauseous, but it was in no way worse than other bouts of slight nausea he’d had previously, and at least he is out and about unlike poor Dominic Delaney who is still trapped in his bedroom with his beautiful wife because of an apparently broken internal lock.
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