Apple to buy Greece as a holiday home

Already contains plenty of white

Already contains plenty of white

Shortly after announcing record profits Apple CEO, Tim Cook, has revealed that the US technology giant is set to buy Greece and use the debt-ridden European country as a holiday home.

The $18bn profit for three months ending December 2014 is the biggest quarterly profit ever made by a public company, and Cook has decided to spend it on ‘something nice’ for Apple’s staff to use. 

“Everybody here has worked really hard to achieve these results and I wanted to give something back to each and every one of them.” said Cook, when revealing the plans. “All Apple employees will now be able to use Greece for one week per year as part of this deal.”

“There will be some significant changes for the Greek people, but we will attempt to keep disruption to a minimum. The Euro will be dropped with immediate effect and replaced with the iDrachma, giving many people the return to their historic currency that they wanted, while also maintaining Apple’s corporate identity.”

The new currency will, however, not be compatible with any products or countries that are not owned by Apple. Other changes include the flag being updated approximately once a year, whether people want it to be or not. Anybody attempting to run an old version of the flag after a change will find that it simply stops working, and will hang limply, looking a bit sad.

“The best part of this for the Greek people is that we will wipe out their nation’s debts, meaning an immediate end to austerity.” continued Cook,

“And the best part for Apple is that by using some complicated accounting measure we can adjust Greece’s debts against our profits and, rather than paying additional tax, actually claim back a huge rebate.”

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