Benedict Cumberbatch joins UKIP


Take this. I’m off to save the pound.

After facing criticism for calling black people  ‘coloured’ on US television, Benedict Cumberbatch has confirmed he has gone one step further and become a member of UKIP.

UKIP leader Nigel Farage was reportedly ‘delighted’ at finding someone else rich, white and gaffe-prone to help replace the increasing numbers of his party who are defecting to even more extreme right-wing organisations, like the Conservative Party.

Cumberbatch swiftly issued an apology for his ‘incorrect’ and ‘offensive’ use of the phrase, saying: ‘I’m devastated to have caused offense by using this outmoded terminology.”

“I appreciate that by accidentally using one word instead of another word I have committed the ultimate crime, for which no punishment can ever be sufficient, no humiliation too great. And so I have decided to join UKIP.”

The actor is now taking a crash course in how to be stupid about Europe, fracking and women, while using his acting skills to assume the appearance of an ugly gurning rich bastard who pretends to be one of the people while sucking on the grimy teat of big business.

Meanwhile, stupid people have suggested that because Cumberbatch’s great great great great great grandfather was actually a slave owner, the actor might have subconsciously set out to offend people deliberately.

One such idiot, posting on the Guardian’s comments page, was asked if he actually knew Mr Cumberbatch. “No,” he replied. “But I know his kind, don’t I?”

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